Where's a stress ball when you need one ?!?

I don't think I have ever quite experienced stress before. Usually I just dont let things get to me and I coast on by whatever problems are in my way. But as the end of a semester looms ahead and the glimmer of exams creep up on the horizon, I feel the effects of adrelalin...or should I say epinephrine as it is now affectionately known..pulse rate increasing...clammy, cold skin....a sense of panic. No doubt it's my "fight or flight" response kicking in. And all my mind wants to do now is to run away, but my body wants to fight.

It has been a rough week. The end of semester always comes with its ups and downs, but this time more than ever.

My grandma (Boersma) has been sick for a while now. First she was in the hospital, then they gave her a pacemaker, then she went into a rehab facility, and now, a nursing home. I dont think she has moved around so much since they immigrated from Holland. All this movement will leave anyone unsettled, especially within one of my least favourite facilities, the hospital. I HATE hospitals. My mom was shocked to hear this considering I had once talked of becoming a doctor. "Well you must at least like the maternity ward," says my mom. Although most creatures of the female variety have a soft-spot for babies, I dont really care for them. I think babies being born is the most disgusting thing ever, a miracle none the less, but still gross...and then after that all they do is poo and barf and cry for eternity. I'm thinking this mentality will change in many years time when I become a parent...but for now...just let me play with the kids.

So this past week, things had really gone downhill. She wasnt eating, barely drinking and just getting weaker. I didnt even know what to pray for. Asking God to let her live longer would just be prolonging her pain, but I also didnt want to pray for God to take her away either....it feels a little sadistic. So I just gave it up to God...and He answered in his own way. Today she was eating and talking a doing a bit better. So I guess He is willing to let us keep her for a little longer after all...and He's helping her feel better at the same time. It was rough to hear her crying out to God with what little strength she had. "Help me Lord". She just has so much faith and is really an inspiration to me.

Hearing a story about a young mother with breast cancer recently left me also looking back on my Grandma's life as she experienced a similar event. in her 30s, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes. there was nothing the doctors could do and they told her to do as much with the familiy as she could because he was only going to give her months to live. She told him that only God knows how long she was going to live. She ended up winning that fight with cancer and nearly 50 years later, she is still giving her pain up to God. Her faith is amazing, and I never want to see her go, but I know it's unrealistic for me to think she will outlive me. Death is a part of life.

God can only keep her on earth for so long.

Please pray for my grandma. Pray for peace and for comfort from her pain and that she may find joy in all the hardships.

Still smiling...

Boersma